Intentional Dialogue consists of three parts: Mirror, Validate and Empathize. It is important to complete all three phases for the dialogue to be effective.
MIRROR:
Repeat back what your partner has just said as accurately as you can. Do not editorialize or paraphrase as your partner could experience this as belittling or editing. You might also end up changing the meaning and neither of you realize a different meaning was conveyed.
What I think I heard you say was….
Did I get that right?
Is there more?
VALIDATE:
This is where you let your partner know how they make sense to you. It is enough to simply say you make sense, but will be more powerful if you can tell them why what they are saying makes sense. remember, Validation is not about agreement or disagreement. It is only about the person’s logic being sound. They may have a different set of “facts” than you do, but given that the facts, as stated, are all they have, would you probably draw the same conclusion that they do?
It makes sense that you see that way.
Or that makes sense because…
EMPATHIZE:
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. How do you imagine they are feeling? Share what you imagine they feel and then ask if this is accurate.
I imagine you must feel (an emotion such as sad, angry, hurt, excited, happy, etc.). Feelings are always stated in one word. More words create thoughts, explanations and opinions and results in disconnect again.
Did I get that right?
Are there more feelings?
Next time I’ll explore the reasons we dialogue. Hope you join me!
Carol A. Anderson, MS
For more info on Carol’s Singles Programs, visit:
www.Intro.AttractYourDreamPartner.com
For info on Carol’s Couples’ Workshop, visit:
www.GettingtheLoveYouWantWorkshop.com
ABOUT CAROL: Carol has been married for 42 years and has been a successful Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist for 20 years. As a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist & Workshop Presenter, Carol presents workshops for both Singles & Couples! Over the years, she has helped thousands of Singles & Couples FIND, CREATE & KEEP LASTING LOVE and Begin the Journey to the Relationship of their DREAMS! Carol is now transitioning to a Coaching Practice! Why not let Carol help you to create the Relationship of your Dreams as well?
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