Relationship Attitude #3: “I love, accept and trust myself!”

Iceberg Wow! This one can be a challenging one, can’t it?   

What most people are unaware of is that our relationship problems, in other words, what we complain about, are merely the “Tip of the Iceberg!”   What lies deep beneath the Iceberg, frozen in the depths of our despair, is our own inaccurate negative Self-concept.  I call it, “Self-hatred!” 

Self-hatred is a really strong word, but in reality, very accurate!  I won’t go into detail here about why we have so much Self-Hatred – I’ll leave that for another blog – but let me tell you what we do with our Self-Hatred that creates problems in our relationship.

You see, most of us go through life with a reasonable amount of success.   However, if we were fully in touch with our Self-Hatred, we’d likely be in prison, homeless, addicted, or in some other seriously dysfunctional state.  So what do we do instead?

Instead, we DEFEND by PROJECTING our Self-hatred onto our partner!  We get angry at them, criticize them, even hate them or feel contempt for them.   We think they don’t love us, we feel jealous, find fault with how they show love or any number of other negative attitudes that we feel or express towards them.  In fact, the worse we feel towards our partner, the more Self-Hatred we have! 

OK, how do we love, accept and trust ourselves? 

That’s the bigger challenge and will take much more time to discuss than this blog allows!  We can’t really attack our Self-hatred directly.  WHY?  Because we HATE ourselves, and we can’t kid ourselves!  None-the-less, here are a few suggestions:

1.) Make an accurate assessment of your strengths and weaknesses and begin to work on your weaknesses, utilizing your strengths.  (Seek coaching or therapy, if you need help with this.)

2.) Avoid criticism of others and instead, make it a habit to find qualities you like in others.  Then be sure to compliment or appreciate those things verbally to that person.

3.) Joyfully and unconditionally provide Service to others.

4.) Always practice honesty and integrity in everything you say or do. Also be sure to follow through on anything you say you will do.

These are just a few ways you can begin to love, accept and trust yourself. 

Check back again soon to read:

Relationship Attitude #4: “Connection Matters More than ANYTHING!”


  For more info on Carol’s Single Programs, visit:

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ABOUT CAROL: Carol has been married 42 years and has been a successful Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist for 20.  As a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist & Workshop Presenter, Carol presents workshops for both Singles & Couples and has helped thousands of Singles & Couples FIND, CREATE & KEEP LASTING LOVE!  Carol is  now transitioning her Therapy Practice to Coaching so she can offer services without the stigma of having to be diagnosed with a Mental Disorder!  Why not let Carol help YOU Begin the Journey to the Relationship of your Dreams?





“Carol provided an excellent presentation and was very real, honest and helpful!” J.R. North Carolina

“Carol’s communication style is absolutely suited for Imago. She is warm and safe and made us all feel so comfortable.” K.V. Fresno, CA

“I appreciate Carol for how much she shared of herself, her positive energy, authenticity, professional wisdom and experience. It was both a growth experience and a lot of fun!” R.Y.San Jose, CA

“Carol was gentle, insightful, open and loving.” C.F. – Fresno, CA

Carol was awesome! I’m really excited about this opportunity to make a better life and love for myself!” D.H. – Modesto, CA

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